Thursday, January 31, 2013

Why am I Anonymous?

Before I begin I must say, to protect myself and others, some of the details in my experiences may have been changed. Some of the experiences may be a compilation of different experiences that have been shared with me.

I remain anonymous because I wish to freely express my perspective and thoughts on these weighty issues without disturbing the lives of those close to me. Can you imagine if your loved one not only lost faith but was questioning the very foundation on which they were raised? What kind of talk would go on behind closed doors about the stability of their mental state? Can you imagine how painful that would be for you to hear such talk about your loved one? Even if you don't hear it directly you know it's going on and others are going to interact differently with you. Perhaps put you under the microscope and realize that you are not as good a believer as you seem, checking to see if you have similar symptoms. Checking if it's rubbed off on you yet? Most likely there is already talk about me. I don't need to reveal my identity to increase such talk. Besides that, I don't want to be completely ostracized for the way I think. I know this would happen. This kind of thing is viewed as "contagious" and one would not want to be seen around me or associating with me for the concerns others may bring up about the company they associate themselves with.

Is it somehow ok to gossip about "unbelievers"? I have heard it many times growing up as a believer. I know we are taught that we are simple, sinful humans and that we fall into sins every day, but I have heard others being rebuked for this matter of gossip and judgement very, very few times. Why is it that it is not considered on the same level as other "sin." Like listening to music, wearing earrings, watching movies, ect. As if those are important life issues and the way a person treats others comes second to whether you have pink toenail polish on or not. I believe that is because it is easy to rebuke someone for something you do not do yourself. It is much harder to stop mod conversation and face to yourself and others that what you are doing is wrong. Plus we are curious as humans, we like to know what others are doing. Talking about the misdeeds of others makes us feel better about ourselves whether we are willing to accept and be truthful about that or not. It's easy to make these small issues that have no real answers into the important issues rather than facing the bigger issues of human rights, decent parenting, and the way we treat one another. Has our faith become nothing more than a bandaid?

In order to find happiness and love, one must find peace, in order to find peace one must find truth. In order to find truth, one must let go of fears. In order to let go of fears one must first come to realize what they are. And in order to realize what those fears are, they are one must explore themselves freely and be willing to discover whatever they may find.


  1. The worst thing you can do if you are starting to not believe what the ministers and everyone are preaching, is to say so. Unless you like people hounding you and calling you up and telling you you're going to hell and they can help you. Not help you go to hell. Help you repent. Stay anonymous. Otherwise, to get people to leave you alone, you will have to say you repent, even if you are lying about it.

  2. Hello...I'm glad I found this blog. :) Interesting posts here--lots of food for thought! You have a lot of the same questions I had when I left almost twenty years ago. It's interesting to see that others struggle with this, too, and helps me appreciate my life now.

    Here's my take on it, for what it's worth. Often, this kind of thinking is categorized under "doubts" and it is something people in the church can/should ask forgiveness for. However, I could never understand how a few people got to decide what was right/wrong for everyone else. I never felt like it was a "congregational" decision because only the ones brave enough to speak up got to have a say, and the ministers would reinforce the conservative ones, and somewhat ignore the ones rocking the boat. And when people started asking too many questions they didn't have answers for, then they brought out the line about staying in step with the "mother congregation" and not using your carnal mind (thinking for yourself).

    I felt like people thought it was just easier to go with the flow than to try and reason it out in a public forum. When someone would try, I could see people literally squirming as they got more and more uncomfortable. Personally, I was always afraid of having to witness a direct confrontation of someone who was perceived to be wrong...super awkward. It was a relief when the discussion ended. But it never felt like it was an "open and thoughtful" process to me. That's JMHO. I'm glad I don't have to deal with it anymore.

    If anyone sees it differently, please feel free to disagree. I won't be mad. :)


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